Best Crazy Dog Neighbor is 3 states away

Sometimes, crap happens.  Sometimes we don't have a lot of control over the crap that happens.       For example, a bunch of flaming a-holes moves in next door.  The screaming kids with 160 decibel vocal chords aren't bad enough.  In addition to the screaming kids, the A-hole family also has an overweight, slobbering, vicious, cat eating, black beast.  This big black beast is the creature of nightmares.  Even worse, the A-holes won't keep it restrained. 

I have the vet bills to prove it.

The A-holes call this 150 pound monstrosity a silly unsuitable name.  Picture a 150 pounds of slobbering snarling fangs answering to the name of...well something like Tinkerbell or Fluffy.  That is so wrong.  When you are in your own backyard, standing between the snarling lunging hell-hound and Tommy, the money cat, the only appropriate name for the monster is... CUJO.

As you can imagine, this sort of incident has resulted in some bizarre discussions with Mr. A-hole.  At first I tried appealing to his affection for the hideous creature. 
 Me: "This is a busy road and the cars are always speeding.  Aren't you afraid your dog will get hit?"
A-hole:  "I know it's a busy road.  That's why I have an electric fence."
Me: "Well, the thing ain't working."
A-hole:  "Oh, it works.  I just don't put the collar on."

Finally,
Me:  "Look, Buddy, your dog just nearly ripped me to pieces.  Keep it restrained."
A-hole:  "How do you know it was my dog?"
Me:  "It was your dog."
A-hole:  "Well, how long ago did this happen?"
Me:  "Five minutes ago."
A-hole:  "Then it couldn't have been mine.  She came in 6 minutes ago."
Me:  "Yeah, right after you called her off."
A-hole:  "Well, your cats are always in my yard."
Me:  "Look, I've explained the situation to you.  I have no control over what feral cats do.  Besides, there's no leash law for cats.  There is for Cujo.  And if I catch Cujo in my yard again?  Well, I will do what ever it takes to protect those cats.  Next time, it might not be a cat that gets hurt.  Understand?"
A-hole:  "I hear ya."

Since then the electric fence has been working pretty well.  But what a battle to get there.  Now if only they would muzzle those kids.