Dog "owners"- reclassification notice

I have nothing against dogs.  It's the people they attract that I have issues with.  There are several types of "crazy dog men". 

Ken u spel pit bull?  We are all familiar with bullies, the types that use their dogs to terrorize others because they don't have the guts to do it themselves.  Although the Cujo next door is not a pit bull, his people easily fall into this category.

Next are the bottomless pits of neediness.  As they are dragged along by their bandana wearing dogs, they are not-so- silently screaming, "LOOK AT ME!  PAY ATTENTION TO ME!"  

A subcategory of the previous type is the shallow person that uses their trendy little yappy dog as a fashion accessory.  This crazy dog man doesn't even get attached to the poor dog.  As soon as the next doggie fad comes along, the unfashionable dog will quickly be replaced.  As the late Rodney Dangerfield used to say, "Take my mother-in-law.  PLEASE!"  Well, my acid tongued mother-in-law falls into this category.    According to her, if a creature isn't hers or at the very least, trendy, the "inferior" creature doesn't even deserve a name.   (For an explanation see mother-in-laws tongue post).

We mustn't forget the crazy dog men that use their dogs as child substitutes.  The problem with this type of crazy dog man is that she doesn't like to change diapers.  She leaves the poop for everyone else to step in.

And then there are....THE MUTANTS.  These unnatural households have cats and dogs.    My sister is a fine example of a mutant. ( For astrology buffs, sun in Cancer, moon in Aries.  These types are as sensitive as cacti.)  She has six dogs and two cats.  When we chat, we must chat about her.  If the subject gets changed, she gets very nasty.  The last time we chatted, I rudely interrupted the Deb-a-thon to tell her something about one of my cats.  This interruption in the all-about-Deb-a-thon caused my dear sister to get angry and call me a "crazy cat lady."  Now, hold on a damn minute!  Six dogs are more than enough credentials to qualify her as a "crazy dog man".

For ages, cat people, male and female, have been pigeonholed into the stereotype of "crazy cat lady".  Since redistributing the wealth is currently all the rage, (I'm still waiting for my share), I will continue my crusade to evenly disperse stereotypes.  Men and women that call yourselves "dog owners" (as if you are entitled to own another being), brace yourselves for change.  You are no longer "dog owners".  You have been reclassified as "CRAZY DOG MEN".      

Mel Gibson look-a-like, Tommy, the money cat