Smelly Cat

When you think of smelly cats, what usually comes to mind is a big, ratty, old zombie tom.  The last cat you'd ever imagine being a feline stink bomb is the demure and dainty Miss B. *(name changed to protect the not-so-innocent).

She's picture perfect.  She's the quintessential calendar cat.  Even grown up she's cute as a button- if you're the type that thinks buttons are cute.  You could look into those wild owl eyes and just drown in cutesie-poo-ness.  But such cuteness is diabolically  deceptive.  This adorable, big eyed, pink nosed cat is one fierce feline.  Upon hearing a strange noise, she'll race through the house all hackled up and growling.  She's tough enough that even her siblings don't mess with her.       

But this strangely scented ball of fluff has more than big eyes, a cute pink nose and ferocity  going for her.  She also has a secret weapon.  And cute though the cat may be, the cat's secret weapon is lethal. 

When she was a youngster, she had a chronic elimination problem that drove us to Golddigger's Animal Hospital seeking relief, if you can imagine that.  There, it was discovered she was lactose intolerant.  Many cats are lactose intolerant.  Giving a cat the stereotypical saucer of milk is not a wise thing to do. 

So even though Miss B*. is not fed any dairy products, she does have bulimic feeding habits and a sensitive digestive system.  And even though she's a fierce watchdog cat, she still likes to cuddle. 

Especially when she has a belly ache.

She doesn't exactly tell you she has a belly ache.  You find this out the hard way.  She carefully selects a victim, usually me, and jumps up on my lap.  Then she snuggles up, purrs loudly, and everything is rosy.  Until.....I suddenly notice the scent perfuming the air is anything but rose-like.  And that's when the sweet, warm, purring Miss B. morphs into the dreaded....
STINKY BOOMERANG KITTY. 
Gasping at the unpleasant odor, I throw her off my lap.  She immediately pounces back up.  I toss her off again and she comes right back at me.  And this continues until I'm reduced to whimpering and have to race outdoors to revive myself with fresh air.

She's so cute.  So photogenic.  And sometimes, not always, but sometimes, she reeks.

There is a problem with the naming of some beings.  Until you find the right name, the name just won't stick.  Miss B* was this type.  Over time her name gradually evolved into its current version.  Maybe the wrong name is why she won't come when I call her, but she will respond to the beam of a flashlight.  Hindsight is so 20/20.  If I knew then what I know now, without a doubt, this cat would be called Beano.